Grief Is a Beast

This morning one of my absolute best friends called with horrible news. Her mother-in-law died this morning. All of a sudden. All unexpected. All too familiar.

Immediately, I thought of "that" phone call from October: "Emily, the house caught on fire in Van Buren. Mom died." With the next thought, my stomach dropped; I wish the sadness and weirdness of the next days, weeks, months were not a burden for my friend to bear. Friends, grief is not fun.

The only way I've been able to encapsulate the journey of grief is this: Grief is a beast you cannot tame. No matter how you try to avoid it, force it, manipulate it, or beat it, grief will not yield. It will take its course in its intended way. There's no getting out of it.

When my father died in 2009 (from brain cancer), grief caught me by surprise. Never had I been so mentally consumed with something. I thought about my dad all.the.time. If you drank a glass of water, I recalled every memory I had of my father that involved drinking water. If I saw a ball game, a shirt, anything, I somehow thought of some relation to my dad. Exhausting doesn't even begin to explain it. Yet, with my mother, the grieving has been completely different. I'm grumpy on the inside. I feel a bit . . . lost. Wandering through grief, really.

One similarity, though, does exist between mourning my father and my mother: Month three is the worst. Perhaps the shock of it wanes by the third month. Perhaps the realities are settling by then. Perhaps I don't know. And that makes me angry because I want to have "one up" on grief. I want to cheat it somehow, avoid some of it. But alas, that is not possible.

And believe it or not, I'm thankful for that.

While so, so weird and so full of numerous emotion, grief is good. It brings to light the realities of mortality, forcing my mind to consider the eternal, the bigger picture. Grief highlights my hurts and areas where the cobwebs need cleaned. Grief reminds me we were not intended to die and that sin's price is steep--death. Grief reveals my weakness and need for redemption. And as with all--whether the grandeurs of grace or the repercussions of depravity--God uses grief for my good and His glory.

So, I pray tonight for my friend who's just commenced his grieving days--and for you who've been there too--that we grieve well, full and deep, confessing the wounds of our hearts and the wonders of a Savior.

The Second Birthday Query

As you can see, Anna the baby is no more. Meet Anna the toddler, going on big girl. This reality smacks me in the face every day as she whips out a new sentence or masters a new skill. We're less than a month from the 2nd birthday. What.in.the.world? 

I'm receiving those probing questions from family and friends who are also thinking about the upcoming birthday. "What should I get Anna?" I recommend Emily Post's guide to . . . . Hey, a mom can hope, right?

First, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please know that this sweet, cute, silly girl needs nothing. But I know when it comes to grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, it's impossible to resist. So, this post's for you. The following list is a catalog of ideas/suggestions. Heavens, you are not obligated to buy any of this! Nor, will anyone cry tears if she receives nary an item. In fact, I might just rejoice. Again, a mother can dream. :-)

• Lego Duplo blocks (1.5-5 years age range). She received a box for Christmas; and they're a big hit. The pack we bought had a lot of square and small rectangle pieces--not great for variety. Anna would love another box to add to the collection. She's into building her own creations now, if you can even believe it!
• Baby doll clothes that are easy to take on and off. 
• Books about the potty. Ahem.
• Giftcard to Stride Rite. We've struggled finding shoes to fit her; alas, Stride Rite and Nordstrom tend to be the only places we can score "wides" that are actually wide enough.
• 2T summer clothes and 3T winter clothes are always embraced at the Youree house.
• If it's got the Fresh Beat Band or Elmo on it, she likes it.
• Outside toys. We're back home now with our very own yard. Bubbles would be a big win.
• Any donation to a charity in Anna Zane's honor. The best gift.

The Negotiator (and Some Christmas Pictures)

Anna Zane is not yet two years old and already she's mastered negotiating at bed time. Tonight, after the story and while we rocked (and I sing my best rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle"), she asked for:

Water

Milk

Juice

When that didn't work, she decided being more vague was a better approach: A drink

No liquid for her since she just had water before story.

So, she decides to pull for the heartstrings.

Daddy hug. Daddy kiss. 

She asked five times.

Then she hugged and kissed me twice.

Finally, she asked for "lipstick," a.k.a. chap stick.

However, she laid down without a hitch. Ah, she's the joy of my heart.

And to make this the most random blog posting ever . . . enjoy some pictures from Christmas. :-)

Christmas morning, waiting in our bedroom while Daddy went to check to see if Santa had left and to set up the camera.

 Santa brought Anna a KITCHEN! When she saw it, she bypassed all the wrapped gifts. It took us nearly 30 minutes to get her to agree to open any gifts because she only wanted to play kitchen. Santa score!

TCU Music Class and More

It's impossible . . . impossible, I tell you, that my sweetest cutie pie will be TWO in one short month. Where, oh where, has the time gone? And where is my cuddly baby? I walked in the room today to find her on top of the kitchen table. That's where she is . . . was.

Heaven help me.

Sure, I sound all doom and dread, but Anna Zane--even in all her toddler-ness--is a dream. She truly is laid back and still shows off her kind spirit. My heart swells to see her blossom and grow in confidence and ability. The girl loves books and cooking the most with the occasional baby or block fun fest.

Anna is also talking heaps (also repeating everything I say). And running. And having tea parties in the bathtub. And asking to watch The Fresh Beat Band (to her, the "Beats") thousands of times per day. And pretend falling so she can get a hug. And telling me "Hug and kiss" when she goes bye-bye (a.k.a. taking her toy stroller down the hall). And talking about the potty and pee and poop but doing very little about it. Ahem.

In summary, she's doing wonderfully.

Below are pics from her last music class in December. I mean last music class for that semester. We start drummin' and strummin' again next week.

  

The 1:30 Phone Call

Santa (a.k.a. my in-laws) bought me the complete Harry Potter movie set for Christmas. So, the hubs and I have been watching that when we can. We're up to movie five now. And last night we had a date to see The Hobbit. 

My mind's been in a world of orks, wizards, dementors, dwarfs, Gollum, and Voldemort. So you can see why a phone call at 1:30 a.m. from our home security company completely scared me silly. The patio door monitor was no longer "under supervision" for some harmless reason. However, it didn't seem so harmless then. To say I'm drowsy today is a total understatement. One eye open all night . . . . 

To change the subject, below are pics from Thanksgiving week. Yes, Thanksgiving. Our niece Baylee visited, and then we all visited the Gaylord Texas to see the sights. It's no Opryland Hotel, but it was really fun, especially the Tex Mex. I guarantee the Opryland can't beat that!

For Sale!

With remodeling and moving, one is always compelled to purge. A garage sale is definitely in the Youree's future, but here are a couple items too big for my garage (that is, if I want my cars to fit).

Interested in a couch? $50. The catch? You have to pick it up. There's a coffee table for sale too (scroll down).

Or a nice coffee table? $25.