As Anna and I were walking into a store, a white lady about my age came out of the store, apparently running to the car to get her wallet.
She said, "Oh, look at the cute, little black girl. I've got one just like her at home."
I let out a that's-not-funny "oh" and went inside.
We only made 10 steps into the store before the lady came inside with her wallet. She, of course, felt compelled to talk to us again.
She said, "Is yours adopted? Mine's from Ethiopia."
The only thing I said was, "My daughter was born in Dallas."
And that was it.
But I fumed about it for days. The nerve. My daughter is NOT a handbag, and no, you do not have "one just like her" at home.
I'm calm now, though. I've reflected.
Occasionally, we encounter people who say, well, stupid stuff. Most of the time, it is innocent. I mean, we've all had words come out the wrong way or have said something insensitive unknowingly. I am sure this lady was frazzled because her wallet wasn't in her purse when she went to check out. I am sure she was pleasantly surprised to see another family that looked like hers and couldn't resist talking to us. I pray she replayed our conversation and felt mortified by her choice of words.
The saddest part to me of this whole interchange with this lady above is that she is an adoptive mom. She of all the people in the world should be championing for more positive discourse regarding adoption, know to use words that edify our children.
Children who joined their family through adoption are not accessories or novelties. They are not charities or a good deed. Yes, we look different from some but not different from all. We function, we love the same. My daughter is my daughter. She is my family. Period.
This episode did prompt me to consider more how I will respond in the future, especially when Anna is present. I pray God to guide us to use words that uplift the bonds of family and the beauty of adoption, all while encouraging and loving our sweet angel girl.
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