We Prayed for a Miracle

For certain, hundreds prayed for my friend Bethany. That number is likely more in the thousands, but I’m always one to estimate modestly. I prayed. Family prayed. Friends prayed. Friends of friends prayed. Missionaries prayed. Pastors prayed. Children prayed. Strangers prayed.

Yet, Bethany passed away in the early morning hours on January 8, less than two weeks after her initial breast cancer diagnosis. She leaves behind a husband of 10 years, three children under the age of 6, and numerous family and friends shocked and sick and sad by her death.

So with all that praying, why no miracle?

I’ve been asking that question—and several others—for the last 10 days. If the elder session at my church were aware of some of my thoughts, my excommunication is a likely possibility.

As I’ve said before, prayer is a mystery I cannot crack. Yes, the more and more I think about it, reading Scripture as my guide, I’m realizing that my personal view of prayer, uh, of God, is more like a vending machine, a genie in a bottle, a lucky charm, a help hotline. Doesn’t God respond to simple formulas? Jesus follower + request to God = all my desires come true. Or even better: Jesus follower + asking for a good thing = guaranteed affirmative response. Isn’t there a point when the sheer number of people praying for one thing trumps God’s plan? Totally what we think, right? If we could only get a few more folks to pray about this, then . . . .

Although I cannot completely explain the mystery of prayer, nor is this the post for me to try, I can assert, with quite a bit of confidence, that God not only heard our prayers, but also responded.

Months ago my four college pals (which included Bethany) and I planned a girls’ getaway. Airlines tickets were purchased. Husbands asked off work. Kiddos cared for. Dozens and dozens of weeks in advance the way was made easy for Lori, Natalie, Emilee, and I to be able to change destinations and to be able to be together to celebrate and bury our friend. Luck or chance had nothing to do with it. God knew our needs and provided for them before we even realized we had a need. To me, that is miraculous.

And how many times did I say to my husband in the last week, “I will not be able to handle it if she dies. It will be impossible for me to be okay.” These were not and are not flippant statements. I meant it. I mean it. Yet, God’s faithfulness, mercy, and sovereignty have and will enable me put one foot in front of the other. It is a miracle that David, Debbi, Brooke, Brandon, Isaac, Jude, Naomi, and on and on and on can function, not to mention laugh and dream of the future. It is a miracle. 

The miracle of redemption has made this possible; and that miracle is still working out in my life, in their lives. We have much to stir us and cause amazement. We have much for which to be thankful.

Cancer Is Eating My Friend {Pray for Bethany}

Apologies for the harsh title. It's just how I feel. It's all the cliches; it's all the usual descriptors; it's all the ick that exists.

It's a nightmare that won't end. A train wreck in slow motion. A Mack truck making its rounds. A breath I'm trying to catch. I'm in the deep end. I'm treading water . . . and not very well.

Only last week my friend, Bethany Lytle, learned of her breast cancer diagnosis. In the handful of days that followed, I've read these words in emails and Facebook updates and heard messages over the phone:

The cancer is confirmed.
Then it's invasive and aggressive.
Surgery postponed for months, maybe a year until chemo has a chance to work
Depressed and in a dark place.
Next, feeling very poorly
The doctor wants you to come back in
Calcium is dangerously high.
Having a PET.
Chemo next Monday
No, chemo on this Friday
Wait. Chemo tomorrow.
Not having a PET
The cancer is aggressive
Praying for a miracle.

Cancer is eating my friend. And I feel sick. Sick to my stomach. Sick in my heart. My friend is sick with cancer.

And she's just not any friend. She is a dearest, a best, a "just-like-a-sister." We shared millions of laughs, tears, and bags of Doritos in the 14 years I've known her. We've watched each other marry. We've moved miles away. We've welcomed babies. We planned to be cranky old Southern women together. I still want that.

I struggle to understand the role and purpose of prayer in relation to God's sovereignty. Yet, that complexity doesn't keep me from believing prayer is purposeful and necessary. If God has placed such emphasis on it and it's role in my life, I will pursue it . . . while clinging to Romans 8. Please, groan on my behalf, on my friend's behalf. I am praying without ceasing, and I mean that quite literally. I am praying because of who Jesus is and what He has accomplished for Bethany and myself; after all, that is the meaning of "in Jesus' name." I am praying as one who grieves but never does so without hope. I am praying boldly. I am praying with supplications and thanksgiving. I am praying.

And I beg you to do the same.

As "coincidence" would have it, this weekend is a first-ever girls' trip for my college buddies and me. Bethany was to be part of that trip, but, obviously she cannot attend. And as "coincidence" goes, the getaway destination turned out to be a short distance from where she is hospitalized. So the four friends are driving to visit with Bethany and her family during our trip. It's not what we planned those many months ago when we daydreamed about this trip, but I am immensely grateful for the opportunity to visit my friend and share the experience with the girls who helped me become a woman.

I will look to the hills. From where comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

Why Did You Name Her Louisa? (And Other Fun Facts About Her Adoption)

When it comes to naming little people, the hubs and I take it seriously (as I am sure all parents do). It's  one thing to daydream about what you'll name your six kids one day (maybe girls only do this), but it's another thing when those cuties are a reality. (No, we are not having six children. When I was 16, I had six names I liked so I decided I must parent six children so that these fantastic names could be used. Ah, my teenage self . . . .)

Every letter of our first born's name has significance; so it is no surprise that our second daughter's name carries the same weight.

Louisa (pronounced Lou-ee-sah; we've been asked multiple times, which is fine; just thought I'd clear it up; geez, I'm using a lot of parenthesis in this post): My great, great grandmother on my father's maternal side (did you follow that?) was named Louisa. Since Anna is named after my mother, Lou is a nod to my dad. Bryan also has a great aunt Louise.

Louisa means "renowned warrior."And I love that. For whatever reason, this little one needed that name. It fit.

And last, and probably of most revealing of all, the name Louisa means something to me. It represents a lot of what I hold important. There is the familial connection. There is the obvious (if you know me) literary association (yes, I was part of the Louisa May Alcott society in college). There is also the meaning of the name. To me, Louisa means a fighter who champions noble causes, a fighter who is successful in her endeavors, a fighter for good . . . but Louisa is also a feminine name, depicting grace and gentleness . . . Louisa, thanks to Ms. Alcott, also represents a love of the arts and everything this female writer accomplished (especially for women) through her work . . . . Louisa hints at redemption. During my early twenties, God worked to turn ashes into beauty in my life. The name Louisa reminds me of the faithfulness and hope God showed me during those LMA days.

Bryn: This is a variation of her daddy's name: Bryan. (He says he gave his A to Anna.) Bryn means "a hill" and has association to Bryan, of course, which means "force, strength." Some will combine the two indicating that the hill is steep and strong, like a stronghold in battle. Every time I think about the strength of her all her names and how hill is incorporated, Psalm 121: "I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth."

Caroline: This is in honor of her birth name. She was named after her maternal birth grandmother. In keeping with the theme, Caroline is a version of Charles . . . and means "strong, famous bearer." The French use the name as a derivative of Carol, which means joyous song. We like both. :-)

"Coincidentally enough" we realized after we included Caroline in her name that Bryan's grandmother, Zane Snellgroves, (who our Anna Zane is named after), was married to Pop Snellgroves whose name is Buster Carroll. Alas, Zane and Carol-ine are back together again!

On the Fort Worth Moms Blog, where I am the managing editor, I posted a piece today about our adoption story with Louisa. This describes what we encountered during the 14-month wait for our littlest love. Enjoy!

Louisa's Visit with the Neurosurgeon

Whew. The visit with the neurosurgeon is come and gone.

And it's practically all good news! Louisa will have a MRI sometime in March (for which she will be sedated). That will show the neurosurgeon everything he needs to see to determine if her conus needs correcting or if her cord is tethered or at imminent risk of tethering. If so, then surgery will take place in May (need to get her to six months).

Now this might not all sound rosy, but the good doctor thinks--from his examination and her improvements/normalizing--that no treatment/surgery will be needed. The MRI is a double check, just-to-be-sure kinda thing.

We really do feel relieved and are hopeful for good results in March.

Thanks for your prayers and concern. They mean so much!

Lots About Louisa

Photo credit: Haley Owens

Miss Louisa Bryn Caroline Youree is a doll baby. I mean that figuratively and literally. She is precious, making my heart burst with joy every time she moans, sighs, and turns her head. When we brought her home, she was nearly a pound heavier than her birth weight (which was 4 pounds 10 ounces), but even then she was the size of Anna's dolls. (In fact, on Christmas morning when Anna opened a pack of doll clothes, she was confused at first because she thought they were clothes for Louisa!)

Everyone wants to know--understandably--if Louisa was premature. Actually, no; the doctors estimate she was full term. She scored a 9/9 on the APGAR and never had oxygen assistance. She never spent time under the lights or in the NICU. Praise God! Healthy, but tiny.

Our little love is eating LIKE A CHAMP. I am happy to report that she has never lost an ounce. At her one-month appointment, she weighed . . . (wait for it) . . . SIX POUNDS AND TWELVE OUNCES. We are thrilled with her progress. She's gone from eating 2-2.5 ounces when we brought her home to eating 3-4 ounces. That's my girl! Little Lou no longer wears preemie clothes; she's rocking those newborns like a star.

Photo credit: Haley Owens

Louisa is also laid back. Don't hate me, but I've scored in the calm baby section. Surely I've just jinxed myself. Nevertheless, so far so good. Louisa is on a good 3-4 hour schedule. Of course she has fussy spells, but she really is easily soothed. LOVE HER. She's so cuddly I could melt.

(And talk about a Christmas gift for Mama: Louisa slept for five hours straight on Christmas Eve.)

Here are a few factoids about the wee one:

• Being swaddled is her favorite past time. She adores it . . . and it keeps her from mauling herself with those fingers. 
• She's not a fan (AT ALL) of changing clothes.
• If Louisa could hate anything more than changing clothes, it's having lotion applied to her body. H-a-t-e-s that.
• But put that cutie in the bath tub, and it is relaxation city. I do believe I've yet to meet a person who enjoys a bath more than Louisa.
• Her eye focus/contact is improving. I may or may not get smiles daily. (Swoon.)
• Louisa has the BEST big sister a girl could hope for. 

Photo credit: Haley Owens

Last, we ask for prayers for our sweet girl too. Louisa was born with a minor medical concern. While that issue is improving, it (along with a few other clues) led our doctor to perform an ultrasound. That procedure discovered an abnormality in Louisa's spinal cord. At this point, we do not know a ton about what that means for her. The small amount of research Bryan could find on the issue provides a range of severities--from no problems to difficulties walking to intestinal struggles to a tethered cord. Louisa has an appointment on December 29 with a neurosurgeon; we hope to have more answers then.

Thank you for all the well wishes, the gifts, the comments on Facebook/Instagram. Louisa has added more joy, hope, and love to our happy little family. Thanks be to God for His great gifts.

Introducing Our Baby Girl!

We are overflowing with joy to introduce Louisa Bryn Caroline Youree. She was born on November 17, weighing 4 pounds and 10 ounces. She was 17 inches long. We will post more info after we are home and settled. She is a delight!!! We are THRILLED! Thanks be to God!

Anna Zane Is a Big Sister!

I've said it once before, and now I'll say it again: IT'S A GIRL!!!!

Tomorrow afternoon, we will bring home our new baby girl. (We will surely post pics and videos and gush and cry and be so happy.) Our hearts are beyond excited and thankful and grateful and joyful and so many other things.

We've known this little one was a possibility since November 14. The short wait since then has been filled with ups and downs, but we made it . . . and will be loving that little girl in less than 24 hours!!!

Right now, we are joyfully drowning in tubs of stored baby clothes, laundry, bottles, etc. We are waaay ahead of the curve, though, compared to Anna's placement. LOL. Since we've been loving a little gal for nearly four years, we have most everything we need, but for those of you who've asked, we did register for a few items at Babies R Us this weekend.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a picture, a name, and so much cuteness!

Psalm 30 expresses my feelings perfectly:

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!"